Why You're Avoiding Visibility (And How to Finally Break Through It)

Every year, millions of talented, capable women leaders tell themselves the same story: this year, they'll get more visible. They'll show up more online, pitch for more stages, and finally be consistent.

And yet — the avoidance continues.

If this sounds familiar, I want to be the one to tell you: this is not a discipline problem. This is not a strategy problem. This is a pattern — and like all patterns, it can be broken. But first, you need to understand what you're actually dealing with.

What Is Visibility Avoidance?

Visibility avoidance is the very human tendency to hold back from being seen — in our business, on social media, on stage, or in any context where our ideas and expertise are on display.

It doesn't look like fear. It looks like a reason. It sounds like: "I'm not ready yet." "Once my messaging is tighter, I'll start." "My capacity just isn't there right now."

These feel like logical, sensible decisions. But they are avoidance dressed up as practicality.

And the longer we sit in them, the harder it becomes to move through — because avoidance compounds. The gap between where you are and where you want to be grows quietly, invisibly, over time.

Why Visibility Matters for Women Leaders

Visibility is not vanity. For women in leadership, entrepreneurship, and speaking, visibility is the mechanism through which impact is created.

When you are not visible, you are not findable. When you are not findable, you are not chosen. When you are not chosen, the people who need your work don't receive it — and that is a loss for everyone, not just you.

Getting visible isn't about ego. It is about ensuring your work reaches the people it was meant for.

3 Steps to Break Through Visibility Avoidance

1. Get Hyper-Specific About What You're Avoiding

'I need to be more visible' is too vague to act on. Instead, get specific. Ask yourself: what exactly am I avoiding?

Is it going live on Instagram? Applying to speak at events? Posting more consistently, even when you feel like you have nothing new to say? Reaching out to podcast hosts for interviews?

The more specific you can get, the more actionable the problem becomes. Vague avoidance is slippery — it hides from solutions. Specific avoidance can be addressed, step by step.

Write it down. This is part of the plan.

2. Do a Real Cost-Benefit Analysis

This step asks you to get honest — not harsh, but honest.

What is your avoidance of visibility currently costing you? Fewer leads are coming through. Less impact. Less brand recognition. Opportunities are going to someone else. Write all of it down.

Then, flip it: what becomes available when you choose visibility? Clarity in your messaging deepens. Your confidence muscle builds with every rep. More people find you, trust you, and want to work with you. Your body of work becomes known.

The benefits of showing up consistently are always greater than the short-term relief of staying hidden. Always.

3. Find the First Micro Step

Not the big, scary leap. The first small, practical, often boring action that cracks the door open.

For me, when I was avoiding pitching for bigger stages, my first step was updating and refining my speaker kit. Not glamorous. Completely necessary. It gave me the clarity and confidence to take the next step, and the one after that.

Your version might be drafting the email you've been sitting on. Booking the headshots. Writing the first post draft and not publishing it yet — just writing it. Starting is the medicine.

The Step Most People Skip — But Shouldn't

Here's the step that changes everything, and it's the one most high-achieving women resist the hardest: getting support.

There is a level of avoidance you can break through on your own. But if you want to fully crack the pattern — especially the deeply ingrained patterns tied to your nervous system, your self-worth, or old experiences of not being safe to be seen — you need people around you who have already been on the other side.

Community. Accountability. A mentor or coach who can help you move through the stories when they come back up (because they will). This is not a weakness. This is how big change actually works.

You Already Know What You're Avoiding

I'd be willing to bet that if I asked you right now — what part of your visibility are you currently avoiding — you'd know immediately.

The question is: what are you going to do with that knowledge?