7 Mistakes You’re Making with Speaking with Confidence (and How to Fix Them Using Your Nervous System)
You’re in the green room. Or your home office. Or the bathroom mirror five minutes before you go live.
Your event is about to start. The camera light is waiting. People have registered. Clients are walking in. Your team is looking to you. You know your content. You know your offer. You know exactly why this matters. But your body doesn’t care how prepared you are.
Your mouth goes dry. Your chest gets tight. Your stomach flips. Your hands suddenly don’t know where to go. You reapply lip gloss you don’t need. You tweak the slide deck one more time. You check the framing. You sit down. Stand up. Sit down again.
Suddenly, the woman who built the business disappears. In her place is a woman who feels exposed. Too visible. Too easy to judge. You start rehearsing in your head at double speed. You imagine forgetting your opening line. You wonder if anyone will actually stay on the live. You think, What if I get on camera and I can’t access any of me?
This is the pre-show tension nobody talks about. The few minutes before the webinar. Before the workshop. Before the masterclass. Before you step on stage to host your own room.
Here’s the truth: Confidence isn't a personality trait.
It isn't something you're born with or a mask you can just "put on." For women in business, speaking with confidence isn't just a communication issue. It’s often a nervous system issue. Your body is trying to protect you from a perceived threat, and in doing so, it sabotages your visibility, leadership, and authority.
If you’ve been trying to "think" your way into confidence, you’re missing the biological engine driving the car.
Let’s dismantle the 7 mistakes you’re making and how to rewire your response using Voice Alchemy™ and nervous system regulation in the moments that matter most, especially right before you get on camera or run your own event.
1. Going Live While Dysregulated
The Problem: You hit record, step onto the stage, or open your own event while your body is already in fight, flight, or freeze. So instead of landing your opening clearly, you rush. Your voice is shaky. Your breath is high in your chest. You dump too much information because your system is trying to outrun the exposure.
The Root Cause: Your nervous system has scanned the moment and identified "Visibility" as "Danger." It has triggered the 4 Layers of Fear™, likely the Fear of Judgment or the Fear of Getting it Wrong. Your strategic brain has literally gone offline right when you need it most.
The Micro-Action: Orient your senses before you begin. Look around the room or at your environment and name three things you see. Feel both feet on the ground. This simple act signals to your brain that you are in a real room, not a life-threatening situation.
2. Over-Explaining in Your Opening
The Problem: "I'll just wait another minute for people to join..." or "Hopefully this makes sense..." or "I haven't done one of these in a while..." You cushion your authority in the first 30 seconds. You bury the headline. You leak certainty before you've even begun.
The Root Cause: This is a safety strategy. By softening your statements, your nervous system is trying to avoid rejection, criticism, or the label of being "too much." It’s an invisible tax on your authority as the woman leading the room.
The Micro-Action: Practice the "Power of the Pause." Open with one clean sentence about why everyone is here. Then, stop talking for a beat. Let the room catch up to your leadership instead of talking over your own power.
3. Shrinking Right Before You’re Seen
The Problem: You’re adjusting the camera angle for the sixth time. Pulling your shoulders in. Hiding your hands. Making yourself smaller right before the webinar starts or the doors open. On video, on stage, or at your own event, your body language starts apologising before your mouth even opens.
The Root Cause: When your system is in protection mode, it physically tries to hide. Your body is wearing an "invisibility cloak" to stay safe from criticism, scrutiny, or being seen too clearly.
The Micro-Action: Plant both feet flat on the floor. Roll your shoulders back. Let your hands be visible. This somatic practice tells your brain you have a right to be seen, heard, and remembered.
4. Over-Preparing the Content, Under-Preparing the Pre-Show State
The Problem: You have the polished slides, the welcome script, the talking points, the workbook, the tech setup. But in the five minutes before you go live, you feel yourself leaving your body. Then the camera turns on and you go blank.
The Root Cause: You’ve trained your intellect, but you’ve ignored your biology. If your nervous system is reading "threat," no amount of preparation will stop the freeze response. You've gone blank because your body prioritized survival over speech.
The Micro-Action: Pair your rehearsal with a nervous system regulation tool like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Tap on your collarbone while acknowledging the nerves before you hit record or walk on stage. This bridges the gap between your preparation and your presence.
5. Shaming Yourself for Pre-Show Nerves
The Problem: "Why am I still like this?" You tell yourself that because you run the business, host the room, or show up online every week, you shouldn't feel nervous right before a live, workshop, webinar, or event.
The Root Cause: Self-attack is a secondary stressor. It keeps your system in a state of high vigilance. What you call "perfectionism" is often a protection strategy, but armor is heavy and expensive to carry.
The Micro-Action: Reframe the nerves as "data." They aren't proof that you’re an imposter. They are proof that visibility still carries charge in your body. Acknowledge the feeling without turning it into a character judgment.
6. Waiting to Feel Ready Before You Press Go
The Problem: You delay the live by five more minutes. You keep rewriting the event intro. You hold back from hosting the masterclass, launching the webinar, or showing your face on camera because you don't feel "ready" yet.
The Root Cause: This is a classic "Safe-Keeping" mechanism. To your brain, less visibility equals more safety. But avoidance confirms to your nervous system that visibility is dangerous, strengthening the fear loop.
The Micro-Action: Identify the smallest possible "visibility win." Go live for two minutes. Open the room with one grounded sentence. Hit publish before it feels perfect. Action builds confidence; waiting for it is a trap.
7. Performing the Event Instead of Leading the Room
The Problem: You’re so focused on sounding polished, impressive, or "good on camera" that you disconnect from the actual humans in front of you. Your delivery becomes tight. Scripted. Slightly breathless. You’re hosting the event, but you’re not fully in relationship with the room.
The Root Cause: Performance is a mask. It’s a way to belong by being what you think the audience wants. But leadership requires truth activation, not just polished delivery.
The Micro-Action: Use the H.O.O.K. Framework™. Start your next live or event with a real tension point, story, or human truth rather than a polished monologue. Let your voice land in the body of the listener, not just their ears.
Is Your Voice Growing Your Business or Undermining It?
The "invisible cost" of staying silent or speaking while dysregulated is higher than you think. It costs you sales. It costs you brand trust. It costs you the impact your event could have had if you’d entered the room fully with yourself. It costs you your ability to lead your audience from your true power.
Your voice is your revolution. But you cannot revolutionize your business until you regulate your body.
If you’re ready to dismantle the fear blocks that silence you and reclaim your authentic voice, it’s time to stop polishing the performance and start clearing the fear.
Programs like RECLAIM are specifically designed to help you move through the 4 Layers of Fear™ using NLP and EFT, so you can go live, lead the room, sell, and speak your truth with unwavering authority.
What would change in your business if the woman who shows up in the five minutes before the camera turns on trusted herself to lead?
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What is nervous system regulation for public speaking?
Nervous system regulation involves using somatic tools (like breathwork, grounding, or EFT) to move your body from a state of "threat" (fight/flight/freeze) to a state of "safety and connection." When regulated, your voice is more resonant, your thinking is clearer, and you can communicate with authority rather than anxiety.
How does EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) help with speaking confidence?
EFT, or "tapping," works by sending a calming signal to the amygdala (the brain's fear center). By tapping on specific meridian points while acknowledging speaking anxiety, you "rewire" your brain's response to visibility. This helps clear the 4 Layers of Fear™ at a physiological level.
What are the 4 Layers of Fear™?
The 4 Layers of Fear™ is a framework developed by Michelle Fragias to identify why women shrink or stay silent, especially in moments of visibility like pitching, marketing, selling, and leading. They include:
Fear of Judgment: Worrying about what others think.
Fear of Getting it Wrong: The perfectionist's trap.
Fear of Too Much: Worrying your power will alienate others.
Fear of Not Belonging: The core survival need to fit in.
Can I really change my voice?
Yes. Through Voice Alchemy™, we don't just change how you sound; we change how you embody your message. By releasing tension in the nervous system and practicing targeted vocal techniques, you can move from a "thin" or "anxious" voice to one that fills the room with natural authority.
Why do I go blank when I’m about to speak?
Going blank is a classic "freeze" response. When your nervous system feels overwhelmed by the pressure of visibility, it shuts down the prefrontal cortex to conserve energy for survival. To fix this, you must learn to anchor your state before you enter the room.
Ready to take the next step? Explore our RECLAIM Intensive and start speaking from truth, not perfection.